Unplugged

That's how I've been feeling at least-unplugged, detached. I'm at a new "job" right now with a bunch of strangers. It's proving a little harder to make friends here than at the preschool. Or maybe I just don't remember back to when I started there. The teacher I'm working with is perfectly nice, but she doesn't have kids and is a newly wed. Need I say more?

I've realized something about myself lately. After worrying about Logan being a little anti-social in some ways. I realized that I am that way myself. Always have been. I can make good friends, but I'm not good at keeping up with them. Mainly with phoning. I never call people. I'm not sure why. It makes me uncomfortable to do it. I'm always thinking that I'll be disturbing them or something. So I just never do it. Not to mention that it's harder to find times now with the kids, etc. But I still could find time, so maybe that's just another of my many excuses.

And since I started at this new school, I've been completely consumed by this new difficult schedule, so now I'm not even talking to the people I usually talk to- which is only Erica and occasionally my mom. Literally I'll go all week without talking to anyone on the phone. Sad really.

What's wrong with me? I always blamed this anti-social tendency on growing up with a sister so close in age (who needed friend when you had a built-in playmate?) and friends who were long distance. Yes, my best friend in high school lived so far that it was long distance to call each other. I grew up in BFE. So I didn't spend hours on the phone in high school. I'm thinking now that maybe that wasn't my problem.

So what do I do now? Maybe I should start forcing myself to call people. Maybe put it on the calendar or something? Because this just aint workin' for me. I'm feeling isolated and lonely. I'm also worried that the good friends I've made are going to think I don't care about them and we'll lose touch. And that makes me sad.

It's late now. I'm only up because I've been sleeping a lot while recovering from being sick and because I had iced tea with dinner. I'm a wimp with caffeine. So, I'll try and go to sleep and think up a plan to improve my situation. Thanks for listening.